Chris and I have been going through a tough time lately. We are so impatient to hear God's plan that it can distract us and lead us down a road of doubt.
When Chris felt led to retire from police work last September, we knew that he was going to be working again soon, but in a different type of work. We soon learned that a local ministry called Love Inc, that Chris is already involved with, was seeking to add him to their staff as the Volunteer Coordinator. We really feel that this job is a wonderful stepping stone for Chris as he grows in his faith and leadership and to the future of our own ministry. It is a part time job and our one stipulation was that we would need someone to watch Fizzy. We started asking our church family in October. While we did get one response after a few weeks, the person was not able to watch her all of the days and we have wrestled with trying to find people to fill in before and it is very stressful. By the time this month rolled around, Chris and I were both beginning to question if this job was the right thing to do.
It seems that if the door to Satan is even slightly, he just swings it wide open and things pile up very quickly. Not only were we questioning the job for Chris, but I long to be home with the kids. We pray about the direction of the ministry, how will we afford our trip to Oregon, how are we ever going to be able to buy a farm, will I have to work forever when all I want to do is be home with my kids? Top it all off with the sad loss of baby Beck #5 at 11 weeks and this month was going downhill faster than a freight train. I kept asking - where are you, God???
Well, yesterday, He showed up! As I rode into work, there was an amazing sunrise. I worshiped and prayed the entire way to work and truly felt filled with His love. It was beautiful! Not long after I was at work I got a text from one of the daughters of a family from church (the same family that has stepped in and watched Fizzy before). The text was asking if we still needed child care and if we didn't, could we discuss it? THANK YOU, LORD!!!!!! We met today and finalized the details. Not only that, but Chris has a meeting on Tuesday and again on the 31st to finalize the details of his job. God's timing is never late and never early (even though I wish it were early).
As I sat down to write this blog, this verse came to mind:
Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Mathew 6:26
Of course we are!!! He loves us so much! I can't speak for my husband, but I know that I'm a bit on the stubborn side and He is teaching me to let Him lead. I can't say that I'm thrilled with this idea, but when things like this happen, I'll gladly hand over the reins.