The Silence of God

I am not a professional writer, blogs or otherwise. Since documenting our trip to Oregon, I have not felt inspired to write at all. I have things to share; updates about our car, Chris’s job, loving reminders of how God is moving in our lives, but every time I try to write a blog post, I have a great start and then the energy just starts to fizzle and the task seems more like drudgery than a joy. I don’t want it to feel like that! I have been feeling a little bit like that with the horse ministry. Here we are, being as obedient as we can possibly be, and nothing seems to be happening. It just feels like God is busy working somewhere else at the moment and we just need to sit tight and patiently wait our turn for God’s favor. I know, that sounds bad, but I’m just being open and honest with you. We started the process of becoming a 501©3, but need to get a board of directors together. It is not coming as easily as we had hoped. We still don’t have a farm. Chris is working in ministry, but we aren’t working together as a family yet. I’m in a bit of no man’s land with something that I will be able to reveal in a few short weeks. The future of our financial situation remains shaky. All of “our” things are in storage and it is really difficult for the kids when we stop by the units to drop something off (like winter clothes) or pick up something that we could use here. Truly, these feelings are the reason I started this blog in the first place. So when I feel like I’m in the desert, I can look at all of the amazing changes and God’s blessings throughout this journey and be encouraged. On the other hand, God’s blessings are ALL AROUND US! He provided a new-to-us van that we only ended up paying $300 for. Before Chris’s VMM budget was revised, someone anonymously met the remainder of our financial need. Our church provided suppers for my mother in law and the kids while we were in Oregon. We got to share our journey thus far with our church. Just last weekend after an anointed message about spirit led giving, our pastor invited our church to help us reach our new financial goal and the gap was significantly closed (by spontaneous, joyful, loving, giving). Chris is turning out to be a horse person! Our three big kids are all being baptized! Chris is learning amazing things at his job and through Virginia Mennonite Missions and making really key connections along the way. Alex, our son, is becoming a farmer. Learning all about growing hay and corn and how to drive tractors with various farming implements attached. I have never seen him so happy before! Someone from our church came over with an envelope of cash because they felt prayerfully led to give to us. Even though we are nervous, we are all excited about homeschooling. So many wonderful things! At this point in my life and spiritual walk, I know that when I am having these feelings that I need to look deeper than my own blog and turn to the word of God. I think that either God is silently working things out to teach and grow me or I need to quiet down my own chatter so that I can hear His still, small, voice more clearly. I pray that through this silence that I’m perceiving from God, that I can be drawn more closely to Him. When Mary and Martha told Jesus that his dear friend, Lazarus, was dying, Jesus sort of took his time getting to him. In fact, he took so much time that Lazarus passed away before Jesus reached him. To Mary and Martha, I’m sure this looked like Jesus’ silence was uncaring, when in fact, Jesus’ silence allowed the space to grow for the relationship with the Lord to deepen when He rose Lazarus from the dead. "When you cannot hear God," says Oswald Chambers in My Utmost For His Highest, "you will find that He has trusted you in the most intimate way possible -- with absolute silence, not a silence of despair, but one of pleasure, because He saw that you could withstand an even bigger revelation."

This verse spoke to me as I was writing this blog. I pray that the words are a great encouragement to you, as they are to me. 11 And he said, “Go out and stand on the mount before the Lord.” And behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind tore the mountains and broke in pieces the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. And after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. 12 And after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire the sound of a low whisper. 1Kings 19:11-12 ESV

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